I remake myself in better form,excerpt from the tenth doctor, except this time he says, “I don’t want to go back” by Adrian Reese
I take myself down to barest bits,
And deep inside that’s where I find
The wound itself, the dangerous heart,
The dangerous brain, the broken brain,
Where a little figure of me repeats
And repeats and repeats and repeats
A bad time, a hard time, a bad, hard time.
First, I’ll apologize for my silence. I’ve been very busy with work and the lead up to graduation, which involved writing a paper that ended up over 50 pages. I really didn’t have any energy to spare to write here! Thank you for your patience, and I’m glad to see you back.
I have just completed all the requirements to graduate. I get my diploma mailed to me several weeks after I graduate. Then I will finally feel officially like I am a college graduate (as such things never feel real until I have proof).
I don’t really feel like celebrating at the moment. It’s the culmination of a lot of effort, sure, but for the majority of it my college experience was lonely and somewhat painful. The education itself was mostly good, but I am glad to be done.
That’s why I included this poem here. I want to remake myself for grad school. I want to be more energetic. I want to be better around the house, keeping my surroundings clean and tidy and cooking as I need to. I want to be more on top of my schoolwork. Most of all, I want to make more friends to have long lasting friendships with.
But I am afraid of repeating the past. I am afraid of slipping down into the worst of my depression, I am afraid of loneliness, I am afraid of failure. I hope I don’t go back to that, but I am not sure yet how to succeed. I want to change my situation and my life, but so far, I don’t know how.
What are your thoughts on your education and your experience of it? What do you hope for in the future? What do you want to change.